Re-searching the “Research”

How many of us have really thought about having a clear and a defined career well-in-advance?

I am an “eleventh-hour-decider” of things; not because I’m a procrastinator, but I sentimentally believe that things done in the last minute does work out well…

I have always craved to have this two-letter initial “Dr” before my name right from a young age. Haven’t thought about any other fields apart and was totally “blind-folded” by Biology. Then came a day to decide my Major after school. I was forced to take up Engineering by many of my well-wishers. But I was stubborn, in that, I either end up with Biology or nothing at all.

Then I joined one of the prestigious colleges in my city (Raked 1st after I joined) and took Microbiology as my Major. Things went on smooth until the end of second year. Third year where I was supposed to graduate, played a very important role in my life. I was asked to take up a certification course by my college, and I took a certificate course for which I had to pay the least amount (Ya… Its difficult to demand money from middle-class parents who earn a meager amount not enough for running a family and rely on debts every month-end. It was a tough living………..).

Somehow I passed out with decent percentage (I am one of the brightest students in my academics through out…). Later, with many struggles I joined another deemed University which again was ranked first among the private Institutions in India. When my final year came, I was selected for doing a PhD abroad.

I felt the other side of life… Filled only with enjoyments and I call it a fun-filled life!! I felt high on sky… Merely, a cloud-nine feeling. Proud of me… Yes, I ought to be.. people spend so much money on GREs and TOEFLs and IELTS to get a position in reputed Universities… Then money on living expenses and money on money and so on and on………. But I never even had my passport when I was selected to do a PhD… And with a stipend of 2000$… Thats even more pretty-living…. I have my own earning and that too pretty-decent!! I spent on my self so lavishly and I also saved money to spend my home!!

But that was just one side… for earning this much I worked day and night in labs !! Day-in and day-out, I only thought of surpassing this busy and struggling research life. I dont complain about working hard.. I can work so long and so continuously.. even in late-nights where only ghosts will stay awake.. But working hard for no results, how annoying would it be… And that too if you are a wet lab researcher and if you have any of your friends or room mates in dry lab where there is absolutely no need for them to go to lab but just to take up a “work-from-home” option…  I am not jealous but I find why is life so mean to us when we work so hard… I am not a Noah’s snail not to get-over easily and persevere till the end not bothering about other things.

I naturally would have this feeling when it was me who taught that person basics and gave ideas.. when my idea works out for others, why not for me?? Is it that I really did not have a good time and luck or is that I do not plan it and execute properly for my self.

This frustration was making me sick every now and then and that moment of frustration came finally to make me quit PhD and something in me said “Life has other sides too…”

Once I had quit, I felt some burden is off my shoulder. When people asked me why I had quit – whether is it because I was thrown out or I hated research or if research was not my cup of tea – I had no answer and I was clueless why I did so.

Then I joined a publishing house where I was put through a lot of situations, I realised at last how much I missed my research. Hasty decisions would make you feel bad one day and that day has come.

Now that I am gutsy enough to handle people and reply them about putting an end to my research life. “Not that I hated research or not that research hated me… I loved research a lot… So, to do justice to it I took a break just to emerge again well…”

 

Now that self-motivation has given me enough courage to face life and say “I would stand where I fell”…. I shall emerge like a Phoenix bird from the ashes.. So am I called “ashes” by my pals 🙂 I am searching for a research position now and will soon end up in to a career that pays me well for life 🙂 After going through all the elimination processes, I have clearly figured out what I dont want in my life and so the conclusion to my long-awaited and unanswered question is going to be answered very soon, I believe. Let god Bless me well this time, atleast!!